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Topic: The "Jokes" Thread (all the jokes and funny pictures go here) (Read 29902 times)
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
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lololololololololololololo l Good one Don!!
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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Don Marche
Ultimate 1000+ Member
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Howard, a Newfie, was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars..." she whispers.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.
So they get behind the bushes and start.
They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them .
It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," Howard answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know.
"Well," says Howard, "neither did I, until you shined that light on her.
Don
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1964-1965 RCR Depot North West Canada Pl,
A Coy 2 RCR London
1965-1968 B Coy 2 RCR Fort York Germany,
Promoted to Cpl 68.
1968-1973 D Coy 1 RCR London,
Promoted M\Cpl 69
1970 Cyprus
Promoted to Sgt 73
Took my release in Sep 1973 Rank Sgt
Pro Patria
SSM, Peace Keeping, UN-Cyprus, Queen's Jubilee, CD1
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 5326
Pro Patria
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lololololololololololololo lololololololololololololo lololololol Don you haven't changed lolololololololo
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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blackdog
Sr. Member
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Posts: 19
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A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Carribean. The audience was different each week, so he could do the same tricks over again. There was only one problem, the captains parrot saw the shows each week and began to catch on. Once he caught on he began to squak in the middle of the trick, Look it's not in the hat, He's hiding the flowers under the table, Hey, that deck of cards is all aces of spades.
The magician was furious but could do nothing about it, after all it was the captains parrot.
One day the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean, as fate would have it he shared the piece of wood with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred for days, but did not utter a word. On the third day the parrot could hold back no longer.
Okay, i give up, WHERE'S THE FREAKIN' SHIP?
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dave
Veteran 100+ Member
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Two Newfies, Archie and Harry, were driving down the road and drinking a couple of beers. The passanger, Harry, suddenly said, "Lord Tunderin Jaisus--up ahead--its a police roadblock!! Were gonna get busted fer drinkin beers!!
"Don't worry" Archie said "We'll just pull over and finish dese beers, then peal off the label, stick it to our foreheads, and trow the empties under the seat."
"What fer?"
"Just let me do the talkin ok?"
So they finished thier beers, threw the empties out of sight and put a label on each of thier foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the police officer took a long look at the 2 of them and said "You boys been drinkin?"
"No sir" said Archie, pointing to the labels. "Were on the patch."
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Jesse Reed
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In most Canadian Provinces, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop in the single digits or below.
One morning in December 2005 about 3a.m. RCMP Constable Bill Wisen was called to respond to such a call of a car off the shoulder on the Trans Canada Highway outside of Medicine Hat, Alberta.
Constable Wisen located the car still running, nose down stuck in deep snow alongside the highway. Pulling in behind it with his emergency lights on, Constable Wisen walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka in the seat.
He tapped on the window and the driver woke up, seeing the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and the RCMP constable standing next to his car. The man panicked, he jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the gas.
The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 then 50 MPH, but the car itself was still stuck in the snow.
Constable Wisen, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the officer is actually keeping up with him.
This goes on for about 20 seconds when constable Wisen yelled at the man ordering him to "pull over." This man obeyed and turned his wheel and stopped the engine.
Once out of the car the drunken driver asked about the RCMP's special training and just how can the constable run 50 KPH. The man, Mr. Robert Duport of Medicine Hat was arrested still believing that an RCMP constable had outrun his car.
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Jesse Reed
reedj@rogers.com
1-866-808-9066
(Toll free North America)
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Jesse Reed
Veteran 100+ Member
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Posts: 147
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A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club.
One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy,
bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a
motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there",
and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?" The little old lady replies,
"Yep... drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under
the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney.
At least 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars
in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have
you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope,
but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times.
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Jesse Reed
reedj@rogers.com
1-866-808-9066
(Toll free North America)
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Don Marche
Ultimate 1000+ Member
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma”
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Got to love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods - because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
Don
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1964-1965 RCR Depot North West Canada Pl,
A Coy 2 RCR London
1965-1968 B Coy 2 RCR Fort York Germany,
Promoted to Cpl 68.
1968-1973 D Coy 1 RCR London,
Promoted M\Cpl 69
1970 Cyprus
Promoted to Sgt 73
Took my release in Sep 1973 Rank Sgt
Pro Patria
SSM, Peace Keeping, UN-Cyprus, Queen's Jubilee, CD1
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 5326
Pro Patria
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Hi Jesse
Imagine that I live in Medicine Hat and I never heard of the story. lololololololol You gotta live somewhere else to hear that. lolololol Hooray for the Mounties "they always get their man".
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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