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Topic: The "Jokes" Thread (all the jokes and funny pictures go here) (Read 29872 times)
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Doug Clarkson
Veteran 100+ Member
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Posts: 165
Pro Patria
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Ha Ha Ha, LOL....Good ones guy..............
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
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Cornwallis 78 - 79, 1 RCR 79 - 84, Cyprus 84 - 85, 1 RCR: 85 - 89, Cyprus 89 - 90, 1 RCR 90 - 92, Kingston 92 - 94, 1 RCR 94,
Croatia 94 - 95, 1 RCR: 95 - 97, 3 RCR 97 - 98, Bosnia 98 - 99, 3 RCR 99, CFJSR Kingston 99 - 04, DAT Kingston 04 - 07, Retired: 07, Class "B" BCWO Assistant CFB Kingston 07 - Present
UNFICYP 2, UNPROFOR, NATO Former Yugo, CFPSM, QGJM, CD1
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Doug Clarkson
Veteran 100+ Member
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Posts: 165
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Well that one made me gag a bit Randy...LOL
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it." He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
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Cornwallis 78 - 79, 1 RCR 79 - 84, Cyprus 84 - 85, 1 RCR: 85 - 89, Cyprus 89 - 90, 1 RCR 90 - 92, Kingston 92 - 94, 1 RCR 94,
Croatia 94 - 95, 1 RCR: 95 - 97, 3 RCR 97 - 98, Bosnia 98 - 99, 3 RCR 99, CFJSR Kingston 99 - 04, DAT Kingston 04 - 07, Retired: 07, Class "B" BCWO Assistant CFB Kingston 07 - Present
UNFICYP 2, UNPROFOR, NATO Former Yugo, CFPSM, QGJM, CD1
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
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Posts: 537
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Hawhawhawhaw....lolololo...good one guys.
Buzz
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1964-1968- 2 QOR Calgary, Cyprus
1968-1971- 2 CDO Edmonton
1971-1975- 3 Mech CDO Germany, A Coy Mor
1975-1983- 1 RCR London, Bn Tpt,C Coy, B Coy, Recce
1983-1985- RCR Battle School
1985-1990-1 RCR, B Coy, Dukes, Recce, Cyprus
1990-1992- OMD HQ Ottawa, G3 Trg
1992-1993- LMD HQ London, G3 Trg
1993-2007-4 RCR, RSM
Retired CWO
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
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Hi Buzz
A good one LOLOLOLOLOL
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
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Posts: 537
Pro Patria
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Engineers:
Bubba and Ray were standing at the base
of a flag pole, looking up. A woman walked
by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the
flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have
a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse,
loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket,
took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet,
six inches, "and walked away.
Ray shook his head and laughed. " Ain't that just
like a woman! We asked for the height and she
gives us the length !"
Bubba and Ray are currently doing government
work, supervising in Ottawa.
HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!
Buzz
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1964-1968- 2 QOR Calgary, Cyprus
1968-1971- 2 CDO Edmonton
1971-1975- 3 Mech CDO Germany, A Coy Mor
1975-1983- 1 RCR London, Bn Tpt,C Coy, B Coy, Recce
1983-1985- RCR Battle School
1985-1990-1 RCR, B Coy, Dukes, Recce, Cyprus
1990-1992- OMD HQ Ottawa, G3 Trg
1992-1993- LMD HQ London, G3 Trg
1993-2007-4 RCR, RSM
Retired CWO
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
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LOLOLOLOLOL Good one Buzz.
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
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Posts: 537
Pro Patria
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Better Than A Flu Shot
Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and see showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-
glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water
floated, of all things, a condom.
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried
to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon
it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, " I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to
the bowl.
" Oh, yes," she replied," Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few
months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to
place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
DO YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T HAD THE FLU ALL WINTER.
Have a good day!!!!
Buzz
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1964-1968- 2 QOR Calgary, Cyprus
1968-1971- 2 CDO Edmonton
1971-1975- 3 Mech CDO Germany, A Coy Mor
1975-1983- 1 RCR London, Bn Tpt,C Coy, B Coy, Recce
1983-1985- RCR Battle School
1985-1990-1 RCR, B Coy, Dukes, Recce, Cyprus
1990-1992- OMD HQ Ottawa, G3 Trg
1992-1993- LMD HQ London, G3 Trg
1993-2007-4 RCR, RSM
Retired CWO
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
Online
Gender:
Posts: 537
Pro Patria
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The Obedient Wife!
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my
money to the after life with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and her friend sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box
with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that
money in there with your husband. "The loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm
a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going
to put that money in that casket with him."
" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!?"
" I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account
and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!
Buzz
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1964-1968- 2 QOR Calgary, Cyprus
1968-1971- 2 CDO Edmonton
1971-1975- 3 Mech CDO Germany, A Coy Mor
1975-1983- 1 RCR London, Bn Tpt,C Coy, B Coy, Recce
1983-1985- RCR Battle School
1985-1990-1 RCR, B Coy, Dukes, Recce, Cyprus
1990-1992- OMD HQ Ottawa, G3 Trg
1992-1993- LMD HQ London, G3 Trg
1993-2007-4 RCR, RSM
Retired CWO
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
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Gender:
Posts: 5325
Pro Patria
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Hi Buzz
Where do get all these jokes!!! You could go on the TV with them!! Good one!! LOLOLOLOLOL
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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TERRY HANNA
Guest
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JUST LUV TO LAUGH, THESE JOKES ARE BRILLIANT,LADS,LOL LOL!!.......................................A WIFE SAYS TO HER HUSBAND " A BULL CAN "MAKE LOVE" 3000 TIMES A YEAR, WHY CAN'T YOU ??, THE HUSBANDS REPLIES " ASK THE BULL IF HE "MAKES LOVE" TO THE SAME COW EVERY NIGHT!!!!!!!!"
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Jim Hickson
CWO H.J. Hickson, MMM, CD. (Retd)
Ultimate 2000+ Member
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Gender:
Posts: 5325
Pro Patria
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Hi Terry
Me too I love to laugh!! This is the place to come when you want to laugh. LOLOLOLOL
Jim
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1961-Depot San Lenorado
1962-1st Bn RCR Ex Gagetown
1962-JR NCO Course Grad 19 Oct
1962-1965 Germany B-C-D-A Coy (Revecated Nov 64)
1965-1967 Sigs Pl Cyprus Prom CPL 'til xmas and C of Drums
1967-1973 Cpl, MCpl, Sgt, Sigs, D Coy
1973-1977 CFOCS Chilliwack Prom WO
1977-1982 UEO, Sigs, Pl WO RECCE, CSM B&A Coy,
1982-1984 SIT School
1984-1988 Career Manager (Prom CWO 1986)
1988-1990 RSM 1RCR
1991-1995 CWO Adm(Per) - C Of S
1995-1999 Base CWO Wainwright
1999-Retired
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
Online
Gender:
Posts: 537
Pro Patria
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Hi Guys
It just makes my day, to view this site every morning , have a laugh or two and post a joke or a funny story. lolololololo!!!.
Take care and keep the jokes and stories coming.
Buzz
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1964-1968- 2 QOR Calgary, Cyprus
1968-1971- 2 CDO Edmonton
1971-1975- 3 Mech CDO Germany, A Coy Mor
1975-1983- 1 RCR London, Bn Tpt,C Coy, B Coy, Recce
1983-1985- RCR Battle School
1985-1990-1 RCR, B Coy, Dukes, Recce, Cyprus
1990-1992- OMD HQ Ottawa, G3 Trg
1992-1993- LMD HQ London, G3 Trg
1993-2007-4 RCR, RSM
Retired CWO
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Aldore McIntyre
Veteran 300+ Member
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Posts: 359
gGermany62
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Ditto Buzz, What a way to start the day, a smile on our face and knowing our pay is in the bank, what a country we live in and a great Armed Forces to protect us. No wonder they all want to migrate to Canada. Pro Patria everyone
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1962 Ameins Pl London 1962-65 1 RCR Soest 1965-66 London 1966-67 Cyprus 1967-72 1 RCR London 1972-77 Remuster MSE London 1977-78 2 SVC Pet 1978-79 2 FD Amb Pet 1979-82 Jr Leadership School Summerside Instructor 1982-87 Base TpT Lahr, NCO I/C User section, Chief Dispatcher, NCO I/C Buses, NCO I/C Refuelling 1987-92 CFB Gagetown,User Section WO, SPV WO, Safety WO 1992-96 CFB Chatham, TpT Controller 1996-Present semi retired check it out www.escuminacbeach.com |
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Buzz Gomes
Veteran 500+ Member
Online
Gender:
Posts: 537
Pro Patria
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Calling In Sick
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone
can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks
I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next
day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on
the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then
one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Dale, call out to me from the kitchen. 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead
again. Please come reset it.' "You know where the button is,' I protested
through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!' 'But I'm
scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'
There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived | | | |
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